Strengthen your boundaries

Strengthen your boundaries

One of the most important things you can do to improve yourself and your life is strengthen your boundaries. Boundaries are what you allow others to do to you and around you. By having strong boundaries you create clear guidelines of how others are allowed to treat you and behave around you.

The distinction between standards and boundaries is that standards are the rules you live by and boundaries are the rules you set for how others are allowed to treat you. When you are clear with your boundaries others will be as well. Often you don’t have to even state what your boundaries are, people will intuitively know what they are. My husband has very strong boundaries around the level of respect others will show him. Because he is so clear with his boundaries he rarely has issues with receiving respect from others.
If you are unhappy with the way others treat you it is time to strengthen your boundaries. When your boundaries are weak they leave you vulnerable and likely to be taken for granted and abused by others. In contrast strong boundaries nurture a healthy self-respect that will demonstrate to others that you deserve, and even demand, to be treated with respect. Weak boundaries leave you open to exploitative relationships and people who do not have your best interest at heart. It is imperative for your own well being that your boundaries are strong and that you don’t allow other people to cross them.

When strengthening your boundaries there are three areas that you might want to focus on. The first one is the thing that you would like people to stop doing around you such as gossiping, smoking or swearing. The next area to look at are the things you don’t want people to do to you such as putting you down, being rude or ignoring you. The third area are the things you don’t want people to say to you such as “You never keep a promise” or “You always give up too soon.” Put a ban on allowing people to do or say anything around you that you don’t like, are not comfortable with or isn’t supportive.

You might think that this isn’t possible since you are trying to control the actions of others. Actually all you are doing is creating a boundary of what actions they can do around you. They are free to do whatever they like when you are not present. My father was a very difficult person and given the chance he would say and do the meanest things. I had very strong boundaries with my father with what he could do and say around me. It took me awhile to train my father how to treat me but he did eventually get it. Although he continued his unacceptable behavior around others, he didn’t dare to act mean towards and around me. I simply would not tolerate it and he knew it.

When you are strengthening your boundaries you will have to retrain people on how to treat you. You might need to say something like, “It isn’t okay for you to speak to me like that.” Or you might need to let someone know that they cannot do a certain behavior around you. You might say, “I don’t allow smoking in my home. Please go outside if you wish to smoke.” You might need to tell someone several times how to treat you or that they cannot do something around you. Keep in mind that you are retraining them on how to act around you and new behavior takes time to learn.

Boundaries are important for the quality of your life. If you want to improve your life, strengthen your boundaries.