Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Tuesday, April 17, 2007


People Don't Disappoint; Expectations Do

I am as guilty as the next person of having expectations of others and then being disappointed when my expectations are not met. When we have expectations about others, we are wishing that those people would perform in the ways we prefer. We are projecting our values, goals and needs onto someone else. Chances are others won't, can't or don't want to live up to our expectations. When that happens, we are usually disappointed. But, it isn't the person who has disappointed us; it is our own expectations that have let us down.

Expectations get us into trouble because they are not realistic or fair. We shouldn't expect others to act the way we want them to act. Everyone has the right to do what he or she feels is best for his or her life regardless of whether it meets with our expectations. Allowing others the freedom to be who they are is a gift we can give to the people in our lives. Instead of creating expectations for others, it would be more productive to turn our focus to our own lives.


Practice letting go of the expectations you have for others. I have found that doing this has brought great peace to my life. I am not saying it is always easy, but it is infinitely better for relationships. When you create expectations for others, you set the other person up for failure and you set yourself up for disappointment. Accepting others as they are creates no stress and allows for a more meaningful and loving connection. When you don't create expectations for others, you are free to enjoy and love them for who they are, rather than for who you want them to be.

Coaching Question

How are your expectations disappointing you?

Live the Day

Today, practice letting go of the expectations you have for others. Notice how freeing it feels to have no expectations.


"A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations." Patricia Neal

Coach Rachelle Disbennett-Lee


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