Aunt Melva has Figured it Out

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Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Thursday, August 1, 2002
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I had the pleasure of spending some time with my Aunt Melva. Aunt Melva is married to my mother's brother. She is from Kentucky and although has not lived there in over thirty years, she still has a thick country accent. She has always been one of my favorite relatives. Aunt Melva was diagnosed with cancer last year. She calls it her "cancer challenge" and refuses to let it get her down. In my conversation with Aunt Melva, she told me that she had it figured it out.

Aunt Melva said that she finally has figured out what life is all about. It isn't about how much money you have or what material things you own. Life is about who you love and who loves you. She said when you are challenged in life, you figure out what really matters and it all boils down to relationships.

She also told me that one of the biggest mistakes she has made in her life was not telling the people that she loved the most how much she loved them and how much they meant to her. She then proceeded to tell me how special I was to her and all the things she wanted to say to me but never did. This was a very emotional and intense moment and I found myself getting very uncomfortable. I told Aunt Melva that she didn't need to say all those things. There would be plenty of time to let me know how she felt.

"No there isn't," she replied. "We think there will be and we live our lives like we have forever, but it isn't true. We all are going to die, some sooner than others, but no one lives forever. There isn't plenty of time. We just think there is." And she is right.

Coaching

What I noticed most was how uncomfortable I was with this close intimate moment. In part, I think I did not want to have the conversation because it made the situation with my aunt too real. The other part is that, as humans, I think we crave closeness and intimacy, but are really not sure how to handle it especially when it is so intense. Because my aunt was so persistent, I simply had to be in the moment with her and it was wonderful. I felt closer to my aunt than I have ever felt. It was a special moment that I will never forget.

My aunt gave me the gift of understanding how important it is to be with the people in our lives. Not just on the surface, but in a very deep emotional way. It isn't always easy to allow ourselves to be so open and vulnerable. Feeling, at that intense level, can be frightening. And it is the only way that we can truly connect with those we love in a deep meaningful way.

Take time to let the people in your life know how you feel about them. Not just by saying, "I love you," but by letting them know what they mean to you and how much you appreciate who they are. It may seem like you have plenty of time, but like Aunt Melva said, "There isn't plenty of time. We just think there is."

Who can you appreciate today?

Daily Success Formula

Love + Relationships = The most important things in life

Quotes

"Life is a short walk. There is so little time and so much living to achieve." John Oliver Killens

"Life is short, and it's up to you to make it sweet." Sarah Louise Delany

"Genius is the capacity for seeing relationships where lesser men see none." William James

"Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships." Harriet Lerner