Ask and You Might be Turned Down

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Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Sunday, July 21, 2002
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Needing some additional information for the research I am doing, I asked a fellow student if she would share a study with me that she had completed. The study was not in my area of interest. However, what I wanted to see was the layout and process she went through to pull it all together. Her reply was a flat refusal to share her information.

Just because we ask doesn't mean that the other person has to say Yes. But if we don't ask we won't know what the possibilities are. The way I looked at this situation was that I didn't have the paper to begin with, so I had nothing to lose. If she said No then I was in the same place I was already, except I now knew I needed to find a different source.

I sent a thank you email back to her. After all, she had helped me determine a way that wasn't going to work. Actually, in the end she did share the information after realizing there was no way I could steal her research. The other thing to understand is that when someone says No, it might mean that they simply don't understand the request. When I was able to explain in a way she understood, she was happy to share her paper with me.

Coaching

No isn't personal and it is always an option. Just because we ask doesn't mean the other person has to comply. That is the right they have. But if we don't ask we will never know. When asking for something, go into it knowing that the answer may not be Yes. And that is fine.

No can mean a lot of things. It might mean the person doesn't understand, or they are too busy, or a million other things that have nothing to do with you. No very rarely means, "I hate you." It isn't about you so don't take it personally. If you get a No, simply go about figuring out how to get a Yes.

How do you handle No?

Daily Success Formula

No = Next

Quotes

"When you say Yes, say it quickly. But always take a half hour to say No, so you can understand the other fellow's side." Francis Cardinal Spellman

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." Chinese Proverb

"Know how to ask. There is nothing more difficult for some people, nor for others, easier." Baltasar Gracian

"To know the road ahead, ask those coming back." Chinese Proverb