Let Me Give You some Coaching, You're Wrong!

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Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
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I am amazed and delighted at how coaching has crept into the lexicon of our language. Many people have gravitated to this concept. Unfortunately, what some people offer as coaching isn't.

I made flight reservations with my favorite airline and before taking the trip upgraded the flight with my frequent flyer miles. Unfortunately, the reservations clerk used only my married name and not my hyphenated name. A mistake I didn't catch until I reached the counter to check in. Because of the name difference, the check-in person had a difficult time getting everything figured out. I waited patiently and trusted that it would all be sorted out, which is was. However, at the end of our transaction the check-in person looked at me and said, "Let me give you some coaching, you're wrong."

With this statement, she proceeded to tell me how I had been wrong with not correcting the name thing. She then launched into how I had not followed the policies and procedures of her organization and in the future this simply would not be tolerated.

First of all, coaching isn't about making people wrong. I have never in seven years told a client they were wrong. There may be different ways to view a situation and different perspectives, but that doesn't mean the person is wrong. Immediately when she stated that I was wrong, I lost my ability to listen to her. My ears shut down. This is a common human reaction when verbally attacked. We simply lose our ability to communicate clearly and be open to what the other person is saying.

Luckily I was able to simply give her the space she needed. It apparently was important to her that I know her policies and procedures. The truth is I don't work for her organization and haven't a clue what the policies and procedures of her company are and I really don't care. Often we can get so bogged down in our own stuff that we think it is important to everyone. What was important to me, as a customer, was simply to get my flight straightened out. Her agenda was different. Because it was important to me just to get on the plane, I let her have the time she needed to lecture me. This doesn't always happen when there is a miscommunication. Often the two parties will refuse to budge and that is when the communication grinds to a halt.

Coaching

I re-learned several things from this interaction. First, how important it is to pick my battles. This simply wasn't important enough for me to expend a great deal of energy over. I just wanted to get on the plane. I also realized how important it is for some people to be right and let other people know that they are wrong. I employed my principle of "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy" and decided I wanted to be happy and just let it go.

The biggest thing I was reminded of was how important it is to honor where others are coming from. Telling someone they are wrong doesn't support that person. It shuts down communication and is a verbal attack. Most people will respond in kind and the communication and relationship will break down from there. It is so important that when we are communicating with others and want to give them "coaching," that we support them where they are and help them be the best they can be. Putting someone down seldom supports him or her in being his or her best.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Daily Success Formula

The need to be right = Closed Communications

Quotes

"As you partake of the world's bill of fare,
that's darned good advice to follow.
Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.
And be careful what you swallow." Dr. Seuss

"To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it." John Churton Collins

"The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none." Eden Phillpotts

"Never give advice in a crowd." Saudi Arabian Proverb