To Listen We Must Be Silent

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Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
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If you rearrange the letters in the word "listen," you get silent. The ability to communicate with others is one of our greatest assets. Our ability to create results directly relates to our ability to communicate effectively. Although speaking and listening are equally important to effective communication, many people developing their speaking skills and neglect effective listening.

Listening is more than simply hearing what others say. It is a matter of detaching from our own judgments and assumptions. A good listener must practice being present with the speaker. When we actively listen and suspend judgment, we create a deeper connection with the speaker.

We say that, as the coach, we should listen 80% of the time. We could use this same equation in our day-to-day conversations. The fact is we will always learn more from listening than we will from talking.

You can fine-tune your listening skill by listening for particular queues. When talking with your manager, listen for the possibilities and opportunities. When listening to a customer, listen for the possibility to be supportive. When listening to a friend, listen for the opportunity to be compassionate. By fine-tuning your listening, you will begin to hear what you have missed in the past.

Listening can be tricky because people do not always say what they mean. Always listen for what they do not say. Oftentimes the real message is in what they withhold. Pay attention to what people say and how they say it. The tone, the pace, and the conviction in a person's voice will often tell you more than their words.

Coaching

Listening can be tricky. Learn to listen for what they say as well as what they do not say. Use silence to allow yourself and the other person time to think about their words. We do not have to speak the minute someone stops talking. Give yourself time to absorb their comments and allow the other person to complete what they have to say. Just because a person stops talking does not mean she is finished. They could just be taking a breath or gathering their thoughts.

Practice listening more and talking less. Ask more questions and show genuine interest in the others in the discussion. Most people want someone who will listen to them with interest. If we practice being a superb listener, we will get the reputation of being a great communicator, and people seek out great communicators.

Whom can you practice your listening skills with today?

Daily Success Formula

Silent = Listen

Quotes

"Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand." Sue Patton Thoele

"A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with." Kenneth A. Wells

"The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen." Roy E. Moody