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Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Wednesday, January 16, 2002
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I love the saying, "Fool me once shame
on you. Fool me twice shame on me." I saw an updated
version of the saying in the comics. They added a third
verse, "Fool me the third time and I begin to see a
pattern." It is interesting that sometimes we cannot
or do not want to see patterns that are happening in our
relationships. We believe that if we do something different
the behavior of others will change. As Maya Angelou says,
"When a person shows you who they are, believe them."
Other people do not change until they decide they want to,
not when we decide. We can only control ourselves. The choice
we do have is if we will tolerate their behavior or not.
If someone has a habit of certain actions,
chances are they are not going to change. What is great
about seeing the pattern is we can make choices about how
we want to handle the situation and if we will or will not
tolerate the behavior. Seeing the pattern is about becoming
aware. Awareness is the first step in making choices about
the boundaries we will set for ourselves.
Boundaries are about the behavior you will
allow others to exhibit around you. The only person who
gets to decide how others will act around you and how they
will treat you is you. If you don't like the pattern you
are seeing in someone's behavior it is your right to ask
that person to stop doing it while in your presence. They
also have the right to decide if they will discontinue the
behavior. Just because you ask them to stop doesn't mean
they have to. If they choose not to, you may choose to remove
yourself from the situation. You can also decide if that
person will continue to be in your life.
Coaching
Seeing the pattern is the first step in
making a choice about what to do about it. If someone is
doing something that you don't like, you have the right
to ask him or her to change while they are in your presence.
If they do not wish to change, then you have the right discontinue
the relationship. You also have the right to decide you
will live with whatever behavior it is. The beauty of it
is you are in choice. It is up to you. As long as you stay
aware and in choice, you keep your personal power. If you
choose not to stay aware and just to live with an unpleasant
situation, you are giving your personal power away.
People will treat you however you let them.
If you decide that you are not happy with how someone is
treating you, it is up to you to take charge and decide
how you will handle the behavior. Letting others know what
they can and cannot do in your presence is the first step
in breaking the patterns of behavior you are not happy with.
Are you seeing any patterns in your relationships
that you are ready to change?
Daily Success Formula
Fool me the third time
= Pattern
Quotes
"The first half of life is spent mainly
in finding out who we are through seeing ourselves in our
interaction with others." June Singer
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