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Published by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee
Wednesday, January 9, 2002
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Needs are not negative things. Needs are
those things we have to have in our lives to feel alive,
whole and complete. If we have an unmet need, we will do
whatever it takes to get that need met.
Dr. Abraham Maslow demonstrated the concept
of needs in his Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. He observed
that a monkey, hungry and thirsty, will seek to slake thirst
first because thirst is a stronger need than hunger. Whatever
need is strongest will be the need satisfied first. And
until we meet lower-level needs, we cannot move up the pyramid.
If we have an unmet need we will do whatever
it takes to get it met because unmet needs are painful.
As humans, two things motivate us. We are either motivated
away from pain or towards pleasure. An unmet need causes
pain, so we are motivated to get it met so we can move away
from it.
As long as we have unmet needs we cannot
be free because the unmet need will drive our behavior.
Needs are about our behavior and how we act not who we are.
Unmet needs will cause us to do things that are not always
positive or in our best interest.
The best way to meet a need is to become
aware that we have the need. We might not be aware that
the need is driving us because we are unaware of our own
behavior. Once we are aware of the need and how it is driving
us, we can do something about it. For years, I had the need
to be liked. It was such a strong need that I would do almost
anything to get people, even people I didn't like, to like
me. That need ran my life and caused me to make decisions
that were not always in my best interest. Once I realized
how the need was running my life, I took steps to get the
need filled in more positive, healthy ways. First, I started
working on liking myself. Once I liked myself more, I began
to surround myself with people who I liked and who liked
me back in healthy supportive ways.
Needs are not going to go away. The trick
is to figure out healthy ways to get the need met so that
they no longer drive us to do things that are destructive
in our lives.
Examples of needs that we may have:
The need to be liked
The need to be popular
The need to be smart
The need to standout
The need to be safe
The need to be secure
None of these needs are negative. It is
just that when they are not satisfied, they will cause us
to do things that are not always in our best interest. We
will go to extremes to get them met. The problem is that
we can never totally satisfy the need because we are not
aware of it. So it becomes like pouring water in a cup with
a hole in it. Even though we keep filling the cup, it never
fills us because it leaks.
We are like leaky cups. Although we are
desperately trying to fill up, we can't because we haven't
figured out how to totally satisfy the need in healthy ways.
Coaching
The first thing to do is figure out what
our needs are and check to see how we are getting them met.
The question isn't if we have needs, but how we are meeting
them. If the need is running our lives and causing us to
do things that are not positive and supportive, we need
to change it in order to satisfy the need and stop it from
dominating our behavior.
Steps to fulfilling a need:
Identity the need
Observe how you are getting it met
If the need is causing you to do things that are not in
your best interest, change the way you are getting your
need met
Get support. Ask the people in your life to help you met
your needs in healthy and supportive ways.
Do you have any unmet needs?
Daily Success Formula
Identified needs + healthy
ways to get those needs filled = Need satisfaction
Quotes
Once we become aware of a need, we can begin
to fill it in healthy ways. Coach Lee |
